Monday, 10 August 2015

It all comes crashing down one day when you realise that all you want to do is leave. It may seem like I have everything and I sometimes pull that image as it is. But if I were to really share my true station in life, you'll know that my parents are in debt, my house doesn't belong to my family, my parents don't necessarily know how to raise their children, my brothers only care about themselves, my parents are selfish, and I just want to runaway.
Whatever I say, it goes to deaf ears. They think that starting a business will make so much money. They always talk about how they can earn more by doing this, by doing that, but what they never do is actually work. They criticize how others don't know how to live their life and are just absolutely lazy, but they don't realise that what they are criticising is actually what they are.
They talk so much about helping the less fortunate but instead they neglect their three children and yet expect us to listen to them. Mind you, I am 20 years old. my brothers are older than I. Above that, we don't even qualify to be in the middle class category financially. Then again, I've worked a couple of times to earn money for myself because my parents are too poor to give me any. Yet they have all the money in the world to stay at expensive hotels when they go away for a couple of days. They splurge every time their paycheck arrives. I've never asked them for money. All I want from them is their time. But it really isn't something I can get either.
When they're home, they shhh me away because they're "busy". Doing what you might ask? Watching TV. There's never a time that they actually take the effort to listen. And yet they grumble about how my brother started to rebel. I've even told them that if they decide to kick me out if I rebel, I've already got it all planned out. I'll just move to my uncle's house for around a year then start renting an apartment some place else because I would've graduated from school. My uncle and aunt seem to be more interested in my life than my own parents anyway.
I'm still part of the minority who asks their parents permission before they do anything. But, right now, I really couldn't be bothered about what they say. Thinking long and hard on whether I should start rebelling.

Saturday 8 August 2015

A long time since I posted anything on here.

So much has happened in my life that I don't know how to phrase them in one blogpost.

Is it good or bad? I don't know. A mixture of both I would say. For one, I am finally not the invisible one in school. Though, I HATE being noticed.

Sunday, 22 February 2015

It's so expensive to live in this country. I love it here but financially I cannot support myself.

What I'm most afraid of is that I barely have any earnings since I have been going to school since I was 4 years old. For 16 years now, I've been studying and expanding my knowledge. And I know that there's at least another 4 years of studying to go. 

By then, I would be 24 and afraid to start a family because I know that I would not have money to feed them as I would have to spend what I earn to pay off my education loan. 

My goal is to have kids by 28, latest. At the look of things now, it's honestly impossible unless I hit jackpot and win a house.

Many times, I feel like I can just stop once I get a diploma and just build a career from there. But being in a country where education is top priority in getting jobs and whatnots, it's not easy fulfilling that decision. 

What other options do we have anyway? If only I was born in 1970s. Where having an 'O' level certificate was a big deal, having a PSLE pass meant that you could have a job that pays $2,500 a month as they only cared about your skills and not level of education. 

Whenever the older generation comments on how they did this and that when they were our age need to realise that times have change drastically. We wish we were able to do what they've been able to accomplish, but sadly it's just not possible with the expectation of society. 

My biggest fear now is not having a roof above my head some time in life. The cost of the housing now is ridiculous. My mission is to get my parents to purchase a freehold apartment/house. This will put a peace in my mind that I'll have a home forever. Regardless of anything, there'll always be a roof above my head. Selfish? Maybe. 

I know for sure that I'm not the only one with this fear in our society right now. 

Friday, 20 February 2015

I decided to private some of my older posts because I felt like they were too personal for me to leave it out there. For those who've read it, I doubt you will remember so it's good. 

I've taken a 2 week hiatus (my last post was 6 Feb but i privated that). 

There were many things that I wanted to blog about but just didn't have the time to sit and type my emotions out when I could've been doing something more productive. As I've said before, I'm not one to share my feelings. But I know it's not good to hold it all in. 

I contradict myself a lot. A hypocrite if you will. I don't support the way I live my life. I know there could be so much I could do to be more productive and live a happier, healthier lifestyle. Sadly, I just don't heed my own advice. 

Is that something only I suffer from? Not heeding one's own advice.
It's painful sometimes to think that I could be living a different way of life just by doing a few things differently. 
My goal this year is to accept and appreciate who I really am. Not live the life full of hypocrisies. Have fun. Maybe lose a little weight. Get active again. The list goes on. I might have wasted 2 months of 2015, but there's still 10 more to go. Anything can happen. Everything can change. Confidence is all it takes. 
Bless you for reading all the way here. Appreciate your effort and support of listening to my ramblings. 

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

There really isn't much different from being 19 and then 20.. Everything still feels the same to me. Just that I now don't have to say the word "teen" when someone asks for my age but still, the behaviour has been exactly the same.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Turning 20

Today marks the day that I've lived for 20 years. Half of me is satisfied with life and don't bother about the future and the other half of me is excited about the years to come and be accomplished. 

Through the 20 years, I'm made to be the person that I am today. Do I like it? Do I hate it? I don't know. 

The thought that within the next 10 years I'll be getting married to someone who I've not yet meet and living a life where I could maybe be pregnant and already have kids or maybe can't have kids. You really never know what's to come your way. I may even be dead in some accident. 

Who would really know about what's to come but until you face it yourself. It's scaring thinking that all our futures are just empty thoughts that really doesn't exist until we go through that stage in life.


Sunday, 18 January 2015

I made S'mores. 

How did I do it? Well, took a cupcake casing, fit a round digestive biscuit, added a couple of Hershey kisses, and topped it of with marshmallow. I placed it in the air-fryer and 1 min later you have the sweetness of all things unhealthy in your hands to be consumed by you. 

That's it. 

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Some things I say really don't make any sense but I continue to say it anyways.

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Is hating someone really that necessary? 

I'm not one to hold grudges. "But wait, you're not speaking to your once best friend anymore."

I sense that coming my way. But if you really know what my previous post was saying, I basically ignore people who I don't particularly like. I don't go around hating random people if that's something. It's more of if you do something to me that I really strongly feel against and hurt, then I will just ignore that person. 

I find that if I hate someone, I care way too much about that person. But if I simply ignore, it just means the person is not even slightly important to me at all. 

This is something that I live by with my daily life. Hating on someone is way too much effort, but ignoring someone doesn't event lift a muscle.

I hope when I look back at these in the future, I'll be able to listen to myself and not hate on anyone. 

Thursday, 1 January 2015

It's a new year.

I created this because I feel like it's time I started sharing my feelings. I'm not used to talking about how I feel or my opinion to people so I thought if I typed it, I wouldn't feel awkward and weird or out of my comfort zone. 

I mean, the possibilities of anyone reading this is as good as me becoming an astronaut but it's all good because it's like a little therapy for myself to let go of what's bothering me instead of keeping them inside me. 

My life so far I've kept every little thing that bothered me or hurt me or even gave me motivation to myself. I need to start letting go. It definitely will be a load off my shoulders. 

I cannot promise that there'll be a post every week, but I can promise that whenever and whatever I decide to write, is from my heart. 

I will never disclose my identity because I am a shy person. Letting you into my life would be like committing suicide. 

Here's the start of a new year. I'm really not excited. If anything I'm quite sad. December is over :'(

Anyhoo, happy 1st of January.